CHAPTER 3
   
   
    Days had passed without me counting, but Drust and Drumma assured me I was improving. All I'd gotten from Vulla was a grunt. I called my parents, visited them briefly a few days ago, all without any incidents or attacking anyone. I was pretty proud of myself. It had taken awhile, but this body felt like it was mine. My tail didn't feel out of control like it did before, but it still betrayed my mood even if i could will my ears straight.
    Crouching on a post, my claws sunk into the dead wood like a knife through butter. I curled my tail around the post, my wings half open for balance and wrapped my arms around my knees. The shadows at the base of the pine trees were beautiful, dappled patches playing over dying moss and fallen trees.
    It was even a bit mesmerizing, the way they swayed and moved with the wind. Like a breath.
    I tensed, my ears flattening when I realized there wasn't a breeze. The shadows were moving with my every breath. I swallowed and slid from the post to the ground and stayed there in a crouch. I dug my claws into the dirt and reached out with my mind towards the shadows, gasping when my brain melted into every dip, turn and corner for over a mile.
    It was frightening, but empowering in a way I'd never felt before. It was as natural as the movement in my fingers, the way I twisted and moved the shadows with my will. I straightened slowly, my vision blurred as I focused on calling these shadows closer.
    Pain exploded across my cheek and neck as my head was wrenched to the side with a slap. I hissed and put my hand to my face and drew it away bloody. I looked up to meet Drust's concerned, fearful eyes. I don't think I'd ever seen him that scared before.
    Vulla drew my attention when he asked, "What the hell was that?"
    I rubbed at the blood on my face with the heel of my palm, smearing it across my face rather than removing it. I grumbled, "I don't know, you tell me."
    Drust said, "Just explain first."
    A hurt look crossed my face at his tone as I answered, "I told you, I don't really know. The shadows were...calling me? That's not right. I was calling them...the darkness." The word felt right. "It felt right, like when you cut off the circulation to your arm and the feeling comes back."
    Drust still looked pale as he glanced at Vulla. When he met my eyes his expression was grim. "Please, don't do it again."
    "Why?"
    Vulla muttered a curse and backed up, his feathers ruffled. Drust reached up to my cheek, the wound nearly healed and muttered, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."
    "It's fine, it's almost healed anyway."
    He sighed and dropped his hand. "That's not the point." He ran his hand through his hair and said, "When Drumma gets back, I'll talk to him. He knows more about this than we do."
    I said, "Drust. What is this? It scared you. Why?"
    He didn't look at me as he responded. "It felt dark, deadly. Wrong."
    I whispered, "It felt like a part of me I've been missing. You're telling me something in me is wrong?"
    His head snapped back to see me. That fear still hadn't left, but mixed with concern, and a handful of things I couldn't put my finger on. He said, "We'll wait for Drumma. You can't use it again."
    I looked between the two and asked, "You both feel that way?" The look in their eyes was answer enough. I narrowed my eyes and hissed, "No."
    They looked startled and unprepared for that response. I flattened my ears in rage and snarled, "I spent 18 years living in a body that wasn't my own. I'm not going to give up anything else that's mine."
    Drumma landed in a crouch looking a bit winded. He held up his hands to try to calm me down. "You don't understand." So he'd been listening.
    "I do understand." I bared my fangs and spread my feathers. I moved closer, forcing them to take a cautious step back. "Something inside me, something I can do, scares you. I don't think you understand. I've given up just about everything I want. I want this, and I'm going to keep it."
    Alarm flashed in Vulla's face and he took a few more steps backward, happy to let Drust and Drumma deal with me. Drust's tone was steely. "You can't keep it Skaa, you can't control something like that."
    I bent my knees and curled forward. "Then you still don't get it. If you won't accept that, then I'll have nothing to do with you."
    Drumma pleaded, "Be reasonable. You can't live on your own and you can't control a force of nature. Why you can effect it at all is still a mystery to us."
    I said, "I can live on my own, not that I'd want to."
    Drust said, "We can keep you here by force."
    A savage snarl ripped out of my throat. "You can try."
    He lunged as I jerked back, aware of Vulla's progress behind me and Drumma's sudden movement to the air. I twisted and dug my claws into a tree and shot towards the branches. I jumped and raced just out of reach of the three. Drust was behind me with Vulla on the ground and Drumma in the air. The rage inside me continued to grow until is was nearly all encompassing. Without really thinking about it, I called the darkness.

And it was easy.
    I jumped straight at the ground, only a few feet in front of Vulla and let it draw me in. Vulla froze in confusion as I vanished. I reappeared behind him and tapped the back of his skull. He fell unconscious in a heap.

I immediately spun, Drust's claws missing me by inches. I smashed my lips against his, his surprised gasp all I needed to flood his lungs with darkness and suffocate him. He fell to his back and writhed in panic. I pulled back, noting Drumma's presence behind me. Drust had at least two minutes before he suffocated.
    I said, "I'm not stupid. I know how much stronger I am than you. You will not tell me what I can and cannot be. I don't even think it would work." I dissipated my control on the darkness and he rolled to his side gasping, his scent thick with fear. Drumma stayed in a cautious crouch behind me, unsure weather or not to attack or help Drust.

I said, "I'm aware I'm a monster, it's not like my control over the Darkness was needed to figure that out. But I'm also aware that if I weren't, you wouldn't stand a chance in hell of defeating Dramius."
    Drumma cringed. "We don't think you're a monster."
    I laughed, surprisingly okay with myself. "It's alright. I'd be scared too." I walked over to Drust and looked down at him and cocked my head. He was shaking badly, I'm sure it was disturbing to have something like that inside him. "If I can have something inside me that feels like home to me but feels like death to you, there must be something wrong with me."
    I crouched next to him and put my hand on his chest. "You might not believe me, but I'm sorry." He shivered and curled deeper into himself and looked away. I looked at Drumma. "I'd take care of him. Vulla's fine. He might not even have a headache when he wakes up."
    "Where are you going?"
    I turned away and said, "It doesn't matter, I'll come back."
    He watched me leave in silence, then crossed the clearing and dropped to Drust's side. Drust might not forgive me for that, but he needed to actually understand. I was stronger than him and I knew it. I was stronger than all of them. If I'd actually been scrying the future they wouldn't have stood a chance in hell.
    Using the Darkness tired me out as well, but not to the extent as searching the future had. Looking into the future really tore at me. For some reason these shadows felt like they were a part of me. Just like I would exhaust myself flying did reaching into the darkness exhaust me.
    I took to the sky, my only desire to be alone at this point. I was already completely alone. Even my own kind were afraid of me. And that was hella scary considering how afraid I was of them. Whatever this power was, I wanted it. I hadn't even known what it was until a few minutes ago. That seemed to be the story of my life; Here you go, here's this new thing that can kill everyone, figure it out. You have ten seconds.
    Shit. Now that my mind wasn't drowning in that abyss of power, I had some clarity. Whatever that power was it was dangerous, and it was powerful, and they'd seemed surprised to see it. And I had no idea why it was so easy to control. So simple, like breathing. The desire to seriously hurt something...kill something, was stronger when I used it. Was that feeling coming from me? I'd never wanted to hurt someone so badly before.

I'd managed more than just scaring them, but it was the lack of guilt that was startling. I felt nothing, but that couldn't be right. I'd had their lives in my claws and I'd loved it.

As far as the darkness, I hadn't lied to them when I'd said I wouldn't give it up. I don't think I could, not after that. This was important, I could feel it, not to mention my own selfishness. But I wasn't going to use it around them again if I could help it. No, the next time I touched that kind of power I would make sure I was alone. I wouldn't put them at risk again until I was sure I could control it.

Either way, I should apologize. They truly hadn't meant any harm, not to mention our strange group dynamic. I was younger, but in charge, and they were older and more experienced and weren't? Damn confusing.

I flew higher, the urge to scream fading with each beat of my wings. At least there was real freedom here. You reallydon't know what you're missing until you've tried it. Now I could understand those crazy adrenaline junkies that jumped from planes and trusted their life to a bit of fabric in a backpack. There wasn't anything like it in the world.

I flared my tail feathers forward, and arched backwards, turning and pulling my wings close. My ears were flat in my hair, working on keeping the scream of the wind from hurting my ears. I plummeted straight for the ground, my stomach turning in excitement. My heart pounding in my ears, I spread one wing out, keeping the other close, switching back and forth to decrease my speed before I spread my wings entirely, the wind hitting my wings like a jackhammer and wrenching me level. It hurt like hell, but that didn't stop me from laughing at the thrill.

I drifted lazily on late afternoon currents, hopping from one to the next while I let my wings rest and let the time filter by. I waited until sundown before I risked going back. They'd needed time alone, and so had I.
    When I finally made it back, the ground was lit a fiery orange, the shadows stretching far and long like sharpened claws. I tore my eyes away from the dark and headed into the house. A couple scattered lights were on, but the room they were situated in was dark. The pull of the darkness was still strong and still there, so I flipped on a light. Vulla was on the floor, a bottle of Jack in his claws. We couldn't get drunk, but it was the thought that counted. Drust was on the couch and Drumma was cross-legged on the coffee table. None of them said anything, but I didn't see any fear or reproach on them.
    I walked over and flipped on a lamp. "It helps."
    Vulla glanced at the dark room behind him and picked himself up off the ground and sat down next to Drumma in the light. I didn't blame him. I sighed through my nose and stood in front of him. "It wasn't my place to attack you. I'm sorry." I did what my instincts told me to do. I bared my neck, not in the least worried when I felt fangs on my neck. The meaning was clear, you screwed up, but you're apologizing. I could take your life, but I won't. He pulled away and fell back to the table with another swig from the bottle. That was one down.
    I looked over to Drust, and pulled my thoughts back so my instincts had room to come forward. Since I'd known him, Drust had been alpha, but now that was my role, and I had to act like it. He watched me carefully as I put a hand at the base of his neck and straddled his lap. I pushed him back into the cushions and he stiffened. I hissed softly to myself and dropped my head to his neck. I said, "That's not how it should be."
    He let out a breath I hadn't realized he'd been holding and I brushed his neck with the back of my claws. Instinct, or whatever it was, made this easy. If I had held on too firmly to what I felt as a human, I wouldn't have understood what to do. "Don't be afraid of me." I promised him. "I won't ever hurt you like that again. All you have is my word and my apology. Is that enough?"
    He didn't move or speak for a moment, the let his head roll back, baring his neck for me. "It's enough." I felt Drummas hand on my arm and I leaned back, my ears turned in his direction.
    Drumma's voice was soft and controlled, as always. "Did you figure things out?"
    I grinned, "Clearly." I paused. "I'm still going to school tomorrow, you know?"
    Drust groaned, "Are you serious? After...this?"
    "I told you. I figured it out. School's during the day anyway. No temptation."
    "Unless someone gets a paper cut."

I flattened my ears at Vullas comment and twisted to see him, still sitting on Drust's lap. "I'll have you know that I fixed that."

"Did you now?" He sounded sarcastic and I gave him a short snarl. "The last time we tried you lasted 5 minutes."

I jumped off Drust's lap and demanded, "Fine, try again."

Drumma shot Vulla a nasty look for the attitude and dug his claws into his palm, blood welling up along the cut. I stiffened, but didn't immediately attack anyone. I flexed my claws, and swallowed, then took a step back.

Vulla chided, "No holding your breath."
    "I'm not!" Then I was forced in inhale. I shuddered and Vulla giggled. The smug bastard. I ground my fangs together and flexed my wings. I started reciting lyrics in my head. Dirty, dirty rap lyrics. The levels I stooped to.
    I snapped my jaws and looked away, the scent begging me to attack. Stupid smells. I started pacing instead, the buildup of anxiety in my chest getting too difficult to ignore.
    Drust ventured, "How're you doing?"
    I started muttering lyrics, Vulla's laughter at least distracting even if it was annoying. He commented, "Well, you're past eight minutes." Ha, longer than five.
    I twitched, my empty stomach not helping things. I glanced back at Drumma's hand, and this turned out to be a mistake. I stopped, stared, then lunged. Unlike before, Drust didn't stop me. I flattened Drumma against the table, though he didn't seem concerned. I stared down at him, panting, then glanced at his hand. I gripped his wrist and lifted his hand. I ran my tongue over  and sucked at the blood, my saliva healing and sealing the wound on his hand. I gave Vulla a triumphant fangy grin. "I win."
    Drumma raised his brows, "Good job."
    Vulla shrugged and finished the last of the Jack. "Not a complete win. I doubt attacking another student and licking blood from their hand is acceptable behavior."
    "But I didn't attack to kill. That's a win."
    Drust groused, "Yes, fine, you can go. You smell blood, just leave. At least we don't have to worry about incidental murder now."
    I leapt off of Drumma and snapped, "Yes!"
    "But! But, you do realize this leaves you less time to train, we're not going to let you sleep through that time."
    I bared my fangs in distaste, but waved it off. "Fine, do your worst. I can do both."
    Vulla snorted, "So you say."
    Drumma sat up and asked, "How are you going to get there? You don't have a license. I hear the authorities frown upon youths driving illegally."
    "I'll fly."
    Drust seemed uncertain, "Where you won't be seen? Veils can't hide everything all the time."
    "The woods. There's a stretch of woods just behind the school. I'll go there."
    Drust shrugged. "If you think that's good enough."
    Vulla shot me a vicious smile. "Good luck." I frowned and folded my arms. Whatever, I could handle it.
   
   
   
    Will met me at the side of the school and looked me up and down cautiously. "What?"
    "Nothing, you just look...normal."
    I rolled my eyes. "That's the point genius."
    He started towards the school and I followed, a bit of anxiety curdling in my stomach. I'd left school for weeks without a single word of explanation. Thankfully my parents had called to try to explain and provide me with a legal cover story. I think they'd gone with a severe illness and the only way to afford an operation would be to send me to India. Gee thanks parents.
    Walking through the halls I was glad for once that our school was huge. No one besides my friends would have noticed I'd been missing. I wondered briefly if they'd missed me. My parents hadn't mentioned them at all. It didn't bother me too much. I'd been quiet and sarcastic, not traits that made friends easily.
    I was pretty glad I was here, but I was also irritated at the noise. I sort of remembered from before how loud it had been. But it was like the volume had been cranked even higher. It took Will's arm on my shoulder to realize he was even talking to me. I turned and even staring directly at him, my attention wandered. I looked to the side and winced when someone drug a chair across the floor, the metal squealing against linoleum.
    Will snapped his fingers in front of my nose and I batted at his hand. "What?"
    "Don't what me, I've been trying to get your attention for two minutes. You sure you can handle this?"
    I girl passing behind me was carrying a stack of books on a binder. Her pencil slipped and without looking I snatched it out of the air. I turned and set it back on the stack before she was out of reach and had noticed it had fallen. "Yeah, I can do this."
    "Well, I'll check my phone. You need help, I'm here."
    My eyes were wandering, but my ears were focused on his voice. I glanced back. "Thanks."
    "Good luck." He left me to head to his own class.
    I muttered, "Why does everyone feel the need to wish me luck on normal everyday tasks." I glanced down at my schedule, having forgotten what classes I'd been in and when since I'd been gone so long. They were having me finish the year, but they said I'd have to retake the classes. I didn't think I'd be around next year, but that wasn't the point of all this. The grades barely meant anything anymore, and that wasn't the point.
    The halls were clearing since there were only five minutes until the day started, and I turned right into Miguel. "Woah. Oh my God, Trent? Where have you been!"
    I stammered, "Uhh, sick in...India."
    "Yeah your mom said something about that."
    "You called my house?"
    "Well yeah, we all thought you were dead or something. But then the news didn't mention anything and-"
    "You're rambling."
    "Oh uhh, you have class?"
    "Yeah, Spanish."
    "It's good to see you again, man."
    He started to walk by, and I didn't have a proper response prepared for that. "Umm thanks." That was awkward, but not in a terrible way. It was a little uplifting to know I'd been missed. Even if it was a little grim to think they thought I was dead.
    The rest of the day wasn't nearly as awkward, but it was just as distracting. Every little sound, from their heartbeats to the sound of pencils scratching on paper. This was hard. I stared at the teacher giving the illusion of attention, but my thoughts were everywhere else. It wasn't just the sounds but the scents. Every one person's scent told a story, and it was like having 15 tv's turned to different stations and having to focus through them. Dear God no wonder the others lived in the woods. This was dreadful.
    But I was stubborn. I was going to do this. I wanted this, dammit. I noticed I had left a sharp set of claw marks in the desk and focused back on the veil. Hide.
    It was just a roulette of 'don'ts'. Breath, ignore the smells, focus on that one sound, don't drop the veil, don't snarl at the kid that keeps texting, don't kill anyone, don't let the eyes show, that would be bad. No one could say it wasn't a learning experience. It was doing wonders for my patience and my control though. It might actually help with my self control over the darkness as well. My patience with these people was wearing thin and I'd only been here less than a day.
    I think now I understood the goths. People were annoying. A person was alright. I don't think my opinion on the matter was ever going to change any.
    I managed through the day and that night, Drust delivered on his promise and beat me into the ground until the sun was up. I didn't bother trying to nap, I just got myself cleaned up, ate, then went to school. Drust was right about one thing, this was going to get difficult. Two weeks passed by like that, and I left early every day. I didn't explain why and they didn't think anything of it.
    Before school I'd sit in the woods and tap into the darkness. It was like cold air in my lungs, and I needed it like a drug. But there was no way I was using it when I was around anyone but the wind and my thought. Pushing it away was nearly as difficult as fighting the bloodlust, but for different reason. I simply didn't want to.
    Every morning for about an hour I'd sit alone, and just breath. Call it meditating, whatever you wanted, but throwing myself to the mercy of this power wasn't bright. So I controlled how much I allowed in. I practiced. And I was getting better.